How Do I Repair My Relationship With My Kid?
If you Google how do I repair my relationship with daughter, you’ll get over 8 million results. That means that more than 8 million web sites, blogs, articles, newsletters, podcasts and videos have been created on this subject! Ain’t no one got time for that!!!
Instead of spending your time wading through it all, listen to this episode of Parental Guidance. Today we’ll talk about how to repair and rebuild that relationship when you’ve made a mistake with your daughter or son.
“Our imperfections make us human, and our humanity makes us influential“
Repair my Relationship: IMPORTANT POINTS
1. I suggest first acknowledging the elephant in your lives and talking to your daughter or son, admit you were wrong. Acknowledge you never meant to hurt them and be honest and let them know you made a mistake. Be sure they understand you never intended to hurt their feelings.
My mentor Ken VanMeter taught me kids learn a little bit by what we say, a little more by what we do but they learn the most by who we are. So own up to what you said, let them know you never intended to hurt their feelings and apologize for how it made them feel.
Are you feeling resistance to doing this? You don’t have to apologize for what you said or did, but just apologize for how it made them feel.
2. When you do this, it is called modeling. It’s how we show our kids they don’t have to be perfect. We all inevitably make a mistake or screw up. The important thing is this: can we as caring adults have the maturity to model what mature behavior looks like?
And you don’t lose authority or credibility by admitting mistakes, it actually doubles your authority and credibility!
When you apologize and admit your mistake to your daughter or son, let them know in black and white what you want the relationship to look like. Say something like, “I’d like for you to forgive me, come around every now and again, and come to family functions.”
3. And after you articulate that, I encourage you to respect your daughter or son enough to ask the question: “How could I go about earning back your trust, so we can make what I want our relationship to look like happen?”
And that is how you resolve conflict with your child: acknowledge the wrong, take responsibility as a grown up and apologize, and then clearly lay out mile markers for the road back to healing.
DOWNLOAD: Fill in the blank apology letter
BOOK: “Changes That Heal”
SUBMIT A QUESTION: Ask Josh Your Question
WHAT’S YOUR ADVICE?
- Have you ever unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings, broken someone’s trust?
- How did you go about repairing that situation?
- What worked or didn’t work when you tried to mend fences with that person?
Please leave your thoughts in the comments below…